March 17, 2005

Wedding Weekend Recap Part 2: Larry vs. the Banana Chocolate Swirl

We were picked up at the airport by the groom’s twin brother Jason (the
best man) and his step-sister Becka (tiny bridesmaid). We’d only met Jason
once, but he was easy to locate since, y’know, he looks just like Ryan.
There seemed to be some confusion about where Larry and I were staying that night, which turned out to be because we apparently had nowhere to stay. But figuring it would all be worked out eventually the four of us headed to the hotel to kill a little time in one of their rooms.

From there it was off to the fantabulous Pizza Street (think Godfather’s meets…a crappy Midwest pizza buffet). All of the twenty-somethings attending the wedding were there and it was meant to be a sort of mingling get-to-know-each-other thing. Everyone seemed very nice. I was sitting between the groom and tiny bridesmaid, who it turned out, is only a senior in high school. (Insert joke about my ancientness here.) Despite my marathon puke-fest that morning, I decided to brave the buffet.

If you’re ever there, I recommend the spinach alfredo pizza. Larry, daredevil
that he is, had some of the Banana Chocolate Swirl pizza (back by popular demand!). He mostly just poked at it and then went off to get some soft serve ice cream. Obviously his taste buds aren’t as refined as those of the Kansas City natives.

After pizza and socializing Larry and I ran some errands with Courtney and
then the three of us went to her grumpy grandma’s house. I only describe
her as grumpy because if Courtney ever reads this I don’t want her to
be offended by my using a more accurate descriptive like, say, insensitive old bitch. The minute we walked into her (terrifyingly) immaculate home she went off on Courtney about leaving a mess around, which was in reference to the in-progress flower girl baskets Courtney had left neatly stacked in a corner. Uh-huh. The rant might have been excusable even with Courtney being a stressed-out bride-to-be who really hadn’t left a mess, but when Courtney repeatedly apologized and said that she understood and yada yada the grandma JUST. KEPT. GOING. It was all I could do to not step in and say, “She gets it, OK?! I get it, Larry gets it, the dog gets it! DROP IT!” Eventually the grandma left and we started running around getting ready for the bachelorette party while Larry called hotels trying to find us a place to sleep for the night (grumpy grandma didn’t want us to stay there, probably because our very presence might have disturbed the museum-like
austerity of her crypt, er, I mean home). [Courtney has assured me that her grandma is a very nice lady and was just stressed about having to host a brunch on Sunday. She would know, it’s her grandma. I guess that makes me the insensitive bitch in this story. Sorry.]

We were scheduled to meet the last of the bachelorette party at the hotel downtown, so as we were running late, we rushed out of the house and headed that way. Larry continued to try to find somewhere for us to stay and agreed to pick us up when the night was over (hooray for the good boyfriend). He dropped us off at the hotel and took Courtney’s car. We had to call him back five minutes later because Courtney left something in the trunk, and I ran out into the freakin’ windy night to grab it from him. Then he took off to cruise the streets of Kansas City and I headed into the hotel lobby toward feather boas and my certain doom.]

To be continued in

Wedding Weekend Recap Part 3: Too Damn Sober to Party with this Crowd

(I know I promised drunken bridesmaids, but I wanted to be able to devote
an entire post to the bachelorette party next time, so, y’know, rough it.)

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