July 7, 2005

Not Cool, Loews Cineplex!: In which the movie moguls interrupt my summer of FREE stuff
by docsmartypants

I’m a firm believer in the platitude that everything is better when it’s free. Think about it. You’re at Costco and you get a sample of some new fat free crab puff soufflé shish kabob shake. In that moment, contained in its little paper sample cup, it is one of the best things you’ve ever tasted. Then you get it home, fix yourself a serving and realize that somewhere between the check-out line and your kitchen it turned into crap. And it isn’t just food. Free stuff just has fewer expectations attached. It’s why we watch sappy made-for-TV movies, accept someone’s hand-me-down fuchsia muumuu, and why despite living in an apartment the size of a walk-in closet, Larry can’t resist bringing home every piece of furniture or electronic
equipment he finds left on the curb.

This summer I’ve been going to the Loew’s free movie Thursdays. You sign up online, print up the ticket, and then trade it in at the box office for a real ticket. Easy. So far I’ve seen Spiderman II, Terminator II, Jurassic Park III, and Forrest Gump. Every week I eagerly look forward to my free movie, even if it’s something I wouldn’t watch if it came on TV. It’s become a ritual. There’s just something delightful about spending two hours in a nice, air-conditioned theater on what would otherwise be a boring not-quite Friday night, enjoying a mediocre movie with friends. Free. And I’ve been quite the loyal Loew’s disciple, encouraging others to attend. Hell, I got five guys to see Jurassic Park III with me! I think that’s more people than saw it when it was first released. And so even though I hate Mel Gibson and am the least patriotic person alive, I was all set to see The Patriot tonight. That is until Loew’s stabbed me in the back.

Lefty, Larry and I showed up a good half hour before the movie, well before our normal arrival time. Standing in line I noticed the electronic show times board was saying Black Hawk Down had sold out. Huh. Black Hawk Down? Perplexed, I leaned over to Larry and whispered, “Isn’t that an old movie?” Somewhere in my brain alarms started to sound. As we reached the front of the line I noticed that Black Hawk Down was listed as an 8 p.m. only show—the traditional time for our free Thursday movie. Sure enough the ticket sellers told us the free show was sold out. So not only did they replace The Patriot with Black Hawk Down without telling us, they oversold tickets to it! Larry suggested we see another movie but I refused to give them any money after they’d tricked us. I stormed out of the lobby with my best Winston Churchill scowl, huffing and puffing and threatening not to buy popcorn when I showed up for next week’s free movie. I guess I could have come up with a better threat, but next week is Independence Day (I’m sure you understand). The worst part, and even in my daze of anger and hurt I saw this clearly, was that I was so super pissed to not be watching a movie that I actually never liked in the first place!

Just so you don’t worry that our entire night was ruined, we did go to the video store and rent The Rocketeer. It was fun, but I can’t quite wash away the bitterness of having to part with $4 to rent a video when we should have been spending the evening in that blissful state that can only be attained by getting something for nothing. Oh Loew’s, why hath thou forsaken me?! Jerks.]

posted under Rants
5 Comments to

“Not Cool, Loews Cineplex!: In which the movie moguls interrupt my summer of FREE stuff”

  1. On July 9th, 2005 at 12:08 am Perry Says:

    The only thing that tastes better than free food is stolen food.

  2. On July 10th, 2005 at 7:03 am docsmartypants Says:

    Why Perry! What would you know about stealing food, you naughty boy?

  3. On July 10th, 2005 at 7:55 am Larry Says:

    I’m sure Perry is refering to stealing food from his roommates. There’s nothing like finishing off a tub of ice cream especially when your roommate gets home from a long day at work and goes to grab the ice cream. Ahh good times.

    But then again this is Perry we’re talking about. What a naughty boy he can be.

  4. On July 11th, 2005 at 7:38 pm H-Bob Says:

    That’s not nice, Larry-kins!!

  5. On July 11th, 2005 at 11:43 pm Perry Says:

    Riiiiight. From Roommates. Thats it!

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