25 Days of Christmas
by docsmartypants
Every year ABC Family hypes its popular “25 Days of Christmas” schedule, during which it airs an odd grab bag of Christmas programs and generic “family friendly” films from December 1st through 25th. This year’s offerings include a bevy of non-Christmas options, such as Harry Potter, Finding Nemo, and Aladdin, as well as seasonal “favorites” like Holiday in Handcuffs, A Very Pink Christmas, and Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.
What they don’t seem to have is anything I actually want to watch. The classic films, the special episodes, the weird-yet-wonderful programs of my youth… Where is White Christmas? Where is Scrooged? Where is Miracle on 34th Street? Where is the outrage, people? Well, it’s here. This is me, as outraged as I am willing to get over this issue.
I’m not alone in my half-hearted fury. A look at the comments section on the channel’s website reveals a torrent of vociferous-yet-lackluster complaints (as well as one of my favorite misspellings of the year: “i love this on abc family beast time of the year” For some reason this makes me picture Santa Claus and a happy suburban family summoning a demon together. But I digress). Most sentiments are along the lines of: “I LOVE the 25 Days of Christmas, but WHY all the NON-Christmas movies?!?!?!”
Anyways, whine whine, complain complain, skipping ahead, I decided to set up my own 25 Days of Christmas programming. (Can they sue me for calling mine that? Stacey, please advise.) Consider it, if you like, a sort of Occupy Wall Street movement for the festively inclined couch potato crowd.
Every day in December, from the 1st through the 25th, while the masses are enjoying their Holiday in Handcuffs (we don’t judge), I will be watching a Christmas movie or TV program of my choosing and telling you all about it. A few of my friends will be watching along with me on some of these, so you may even get some bonus commentary from them.
Disclaimer: What my 25 Days definitely won’t include—and I may as well say it up front and let you guys express your anger over the omission of your beloved Christmas favorites—is the following: A Muppet Christmas Carol, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, most of those creepy Rankin Bass specials. I know you guys love them. I know it wounds you deeply that I don’t. But I warmly invite you to watch those yourself and write up your own blog posts about them, or leave a comment here telling me why they inspire your holiday devotion.
Tune in tomorrow for Day 1: The Ref.
Yes. They can sue you.
Excellent.
Christmas is a magical time of the year thus anything magical must be a Christmas film. For example Aladdin is a Christmas film because it has a genie, flying carpet, and talking parrot that sound like Gilbert Gottfried. How much more magical does it need to be?
Given this logic I predict that next year ABC will include Pirates of the Caribbean in their line-up.
Also you are totally missing the Christmas Goose episode from 1950’s Robin Hood Adventures. Just listen to this description!
“Young Davey has a pet goose, who is very attached to him. One day it saves him from a flogging from Sir Leon’s men, but in so doing is caught and, as a punishment, sentenced to become Sir Leon’s Christmas dinner.”
http://www.hulu.com/watch/176196/the-adventures-of-robin-hood-the-christmas-goose
Oh, OK, I see. So by this same logic, “Fright Night” could be a 25 Days of Christmas movie because it has a Vegas magician fighting a vampire in it? Or “Excalibur”! That’s got a wizard. At the very least I would argue for the inclusion of “Pan’s Labyrinth,” a fun-filled family romp if ever there was one.
*perks up*
Did someone say “Fright Night”?
I want you to be in charge of the official 25 Days of Christmas programming. I can see the execs being like, “Huh. Sure are a lot of hot Brits in the lineup this year. And no holiday films at all. … Oh well, the ratings are good!”
You’re doing yourself a disservice if your adventure does not include a trip to the Rifftrax site to pick up one or more the following:
Shorts-
Christmas Rhapsody
Christmas Toyshop
Christmas Dream
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Full-length-
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
Ice Cream Bunny is, especially, a must-have for every household. That stuff is pure, weapons-grade nightmare fuel.
Hmmm…the 25 Days roster is full this year, but I will definitely consider those for next year! Especially the Ice Cream Bunny.