November 1, 2011

Typo of the Day

So, I’m relatively sure the word was looking for in that Bank of America article was scrapped. (click image to enlarge)

I know that it is embarrassing when a typo makes it into your publication, and I really shouldn’t laugh at this, but…COME ON—can you blame me? It’s so classic! And who doesn’t appreciate a little schadenfreude now and then?

January 25, 2009

I Just Called to Say…

I came across the most extraordinary article this morning. It details a growing new trend that I hadn’t yet heard about:

Cellphones, along with technologies like BlackBerrys, have become so important that many cannot imagine being buried without their “third arm.” While it may raise eyebrows, mourners have been known to call the deceased’s phone as the casket is lowered into the grave. Since a ringtone reflects an individual’s personality, the jingle acts as a modern-day Taps.

Manhattan Defense Attorney, Marian Seltzer, buried her husband’s fully-charged Motorola along with his body when he died of pancreatic cancer three years ago. Although the battery expired long ago, she continues to pay the Verizon bill so that she and her children can regularly hear his voice and leave messages on his voice mail.

She had his cell number engraved on his headstone. Seltzer’s husband, John Jacobs, may be dead, but he’s still taking messages. In fact, I called him last week. Hearing him tell me he’d call me back sent a shiver up my spine. (The Community Newspapers – 1.25.09)

Ignoring for the moment the absurdity of paying that much money every month to keep a cell phone on for a dead person, does this strike anyone else as creepy? Maybe it is sweet, but it feels a little creepy to me. I guess maybe it gives mourners a sense of connection to the departed, but I feel like every time I called I would be thinking: This phone is ringing in a dark casket next to the rotting remains of my loved one. The whole thing just seems really sad. And unfortunately it is giving Larry ideas. He’s already planning out some elaborate after-death text-messaging thing.

As for me, I barely use my phone in life, forget about sending it to the grave with me. If you want to put something in there that I care about, may I suggest my Life on Mars box set, a case of Dr Pepper, a few books, some Curly Wurlys, my old phases of the moon watch, and the Pulitzer I will doubtless have won by then.

But seriously, while we’re on the topic of burial wishes, I may as well share mine with you all. I don’t want to be buried. I think I’d like to be cremated (if you promise to make absolutely sure I am dead before you let them do it). Even though I don’t want to be buried, I would like some sort of marker to let people know I was here. I’ve been saying for some time that when I die I’d like something tasteful and simple, like the Albert Memorial, but a little fancier. Obviously some modifications will be needed. I’ve started sketching out some revisions. It’s a work in progress, so I welcome any suggestions.


posted under Rants | 13 Comments »
August 10, 2007

Too Much of a Good Thing: And I thought I had a hard time clothes shopping!

I’m really concerned about Leonid Stadnyk.


Leonid Stadnyk, the Ukrainian who was recently named the new World’s Tallest Man.

As someone who for many years lived with a roommate who, depending on what day you asked, topped out at 6′ 9″ or 6′ 10″, I’ve seen firsthand what a pain it is to be unusually tall. And Stadnyk is currently about 8′ 5″—and still growing. More importantly, unlike some previous World’s Tallest Man record holders, he sounds miserable about it.

In a 2004 AP article Stadnyk was quoted as saying, “My height is God’s punishment. My life has no sense.” He also said that (in addition to not having the money) his height makes it almost impossible to travel because “taking a public bus for me is the same as getting into a car’s trunk for a normal person.” He hasn’t had a girlfriend and he apparently had to quit his job as a veterinarian after he got frostbite on his feet from wearing inadequate shoes.

That’s just terrible.

The previous World’s Tallest Man was Bao Xishun; you know, the Chinese guy who saved those dolphins by sticking his arm down their throats and pulling the plastic bits out of their stomachs? He recently got married and seems to be pretty OK with life. But Stadnyk, well, I’m just hoping his new title as World’s Tallest Man will help him out. He was photographed with the Ukrainian president, so I’m guessing the publicity, while it may be embarrassing for him, will at least work in his favour. Dude, Nike, seriously—send this man some huge comfy shoes. And isn’t there a medical specialist somewhere who wants the positive PR of helping this guy out? Because being that tall leads to about a million negative impacts on your health. And you know, sure the guy is ginormous (hey, it’s a word in the dictionary, so I can use it now) but he’s not bad looking. There must be a nice woman out there looking for a guy who will always be able to reach stuff at the back of the highest kitchen cabinet and who will always make her look petite.

Anyway, good luck to him. Shchastia, Leonid!

September 4, 2006

Sad News for the Night: R.I.P. Croc Hunter

Well damn, that’s cast rather a gloom over the evening. I just got home from a lovely evening out to find that Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin is dead. I mean, on the one hand you think, Jesus, it’s amazing it didn’t happen sooner. But he always got away with the dangerous stuff so you just sort of figured he’d keep on surviving. Anyway, I always had a soft spot for the guy, even if he was a little crazy. And I feel really sad for his wife and kids.

And of course I had an obscene amount of caffeine this evening so there’ll be no going to bed anytime soon. I’m just left here to reflect on this tragic bit of news.

    January 2023
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