June 10, 2005

Matt 101: An introduction to the Matts

After some recent confusion among my friends about which Matt was posting on my blog (Pavik), I thought it might be a good idea to give you all a crash course on the many and varied Matts of the Doc Smartypants world. Don’t worry, you won’t be tested on this.

Matt the Hobbit

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Matt Fields

aka: Chef Matt, Matt the Hobbit, Mattymoo

How I met him: Matt came into CC&G while I worked

there and I recruited him to play cards with Larry. Later we worked there together and amused the ladies of Regis Hair Salon by doing the “mall dance” to the Ramones.

Currently living in: Bellingham, Wash. (with Perrycuda)

How to tell him from the others: He’s the shortest; likes to cook; fancies boys.

I once saw: him wrap his entire hand in cellophane and tape so he could shower (to protect his stitched-up thumb, which he almost cut off while cooking).

Quote: “Oh my gawd, it’s like butta’!”

Perrycuda

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Matt Perry

aka: Perry, Perrycuda

How I met him: Perry knew Fields from Port Townsend and they lived next door to each other when they first moved to Bellingham.

Currently living in: Bellingham, Wash. (with Mattymoo)

How to tell him from the others: Single and looking for a lady; likes a spankin’; plays online games.

I once saw: Larry break a boat oar over his ass.

Quote: “You bastard!

Matt of the Broken Monkey Glass

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Matt Pavik

aka: Matt of the Broken Monkey Glass, Matttty, Kinko’s Matt

How I met him: Worked at Kinko’s in Boston with Larry. While he was on an out-of-town trip we were at his place to feed his fish and I broke his monkey glass. The gravity was much stronger in his kitchen than on the rest of the planet.

How to tell him from the others: Lives in Oregon; in a long-term relationship; is the only Matt so far to post a comment on my blog (as “Mattttty”).

Currently living in: Portland, Ore. (with Librarianna of the Broken Monkey Glass)

I once saw: him sing “YMCA” at a karaoke bar.

Quote: “It was wicked pissa’.”

April 6, 2005

100 Things You May Not Know About Me: A little something to get me back in the blogging mood

I’ve been suffering from a wicked case of writer’s block since the
passing of my kitty, so in an effort to jump start my brain I decided to make
this list of 100 things you might not know about me (an idea I got from someone else’s Live Journal a while back). Now go forth and learn 99 more things about me than you ever wanted to know!

1. I got my first pair of Converse the summer after 9th grade.

2. I think bathrooms are scary.

3. I learned the Greek alphabet in junior high just for the hell of it.

4. I have a piece of graphite permanently embedded in my left middle finger
as the result of an accident involving a Capri Sun and a pencil in elementary
school.

5. I like the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer but am kind of ashamed to admit
it.

6. I didn’t know what passive voice was until my junior year of college.

7. I still get tripped up on my 6, 7 and 8 times tables.

8. I can write upside down and backwards about as well as I can write normally.

9. I’m excellent at word puzzles, particularly cryptograms and unscrambling.

10. I do exactly as many things left-handed as I do right-handed.

11. I still feel badly about not writing to someone I promised to write to in
8th grade.

12. I have always thought elephants should come in a convenient guinea pig size.

13. I can sing all of the songs from Singin’ in the Rain and know all
the dance routines.

14. Filling in the bubbles on Scantron tests makes me uncomfortable.

15. I have left the room when a favorite character on a TV show does something
so embarrassing I can’t bare to watch.

16. I don’t really like babies but I like to buy things for them.

17. The first “modern music” cassette tape I bought was Stacey Q
“Better than Heaven” in elementary school.

18. I had a supervisor whose middle name was Tarzan.

19. I wear my socks inside out and I always put the left one on first.

20. I hate licorice and banana chips but will still try them if someone offers
me some.

21. One of my feet is a half size bigger than the other.

22. I have worn the same watch since the summer after 5th grade.

23. I didn’t learn to ride a bike until the summer before 7th grade.

24. I can’t swim.

25. For a while in high school I used to pretend to go to sleep but would secretly
stay awake until an hour or two before I had to be up.

26. I went to my senior prom two hours late and without a date.

27. The only drink I ever order at Starbucks is a grande hazelnut mocha.

28. I have never had a beer (though I did taste one or two).

29. My favorite comic strip is Get Fuzzy.

30. I once dressed up as a stick of dynamite for Halloween.

31. I love to take pictures and hate to be photographed.

32. I am uncomfortable having my name on anything I write.

33. I don’t like to touch paper towel dispensers if they are wet or my
hands are wet.

34. I have seen the world’s largest frying pan, the world’s largest
ball of twine, the world’s largest easel and the world’s largest
prairie dog.

35. The grossest indoor bathroom I was ever in was in Lawrence, Kansas.

36. I have never been to the South.

37. One of my eyes is slightly nearsighted, the other is slightly farsighted.

38. I don’t like vanilla scented things.

39. I like to collect postcards, lunchboxes and squished pennies.

40. The first CD I ever bought was a Roy Orbison Best Of.

41. I am terrified of needles.

42. I can listen to the same song on repeat for hours.

43. I am uncomfortable in red rooms.

44. I was once bitten on the toe by a ferret.

45. I really enjoy shopping for office supplies.

46. For a while when I was a kid my favorite animal was the squid.

47. I have never smoked pot or taken a “recreational” drug.

48. I was refused entrance to Canada on two separate occasions.

49. I scratch my head when I am nervous or stressed.

50. I get altitude sickness.

51. I have trouble reading road maps quickly enough to help navigate.

52. I almost always have a song stuck in my head.

53. A nurse once told me if my blood pressure was any lower I’d be unconscious.

54. My favorite hobbits are Merry and Pippin.

55. I was a movie extra in This Boy’s Life.

56. I won a major award for a Native American wolf mask I made in 7th grade
art class.

57. I always watch The Hunt for Red October when I’m sick.

58. I prefer white or yellow cake to chocolate.

59. Despite numerous keyboarding classes, I don’t type with my hands on
the home row, instead favoring a semi-conscious seek-and-hit method.

60. I often write letters or postcards and forget to send them.

61. I was a lost boy in Peter Pan and a hedgehog in Alice in Wonderland when
I was in ballet.

62. I can curl my tongue.

63. I don’t know my blood type.

64. When I was a kid I tried to teach my dog to sing Bing Crosby’s Mele
Kalikimaka (the Hawaiian Christmas song) by playing the record over and over
again.

65. I never eat turkey on Thanksgiving.

66. My favorite Star Wars character is that blue elephant guy who plays in the
band.

67. My frogs are named Dill and Pickle and my snail is named Panasonic.

68. I used to listen to records on the faster speed all the time.

69. I like to walk to and from work with a portable CD player because it’s
like having my own personal soundtrack.

70. My car was once rear ended by a fire engine.

71. I like to make lists.

72. I once read the first part of the Bible while sitting in a doctor’s
office, but never finished it.

73. I saw The Nightmare Before Christmas four times in the theater.

74. The only movie I’ve ever walked out of was Six Days, Seven Nights
and I was being paid to watch it.

75. I have difficulty remembering exactly where certain states in the Midwest
and Southwest are.

76. I first fell in love with John Cusack when we watched The Journey of Natty
Gann in my 1st/2nd grade class.

77. Black cherry soda always makes me think of camping.

78. I’ve always wanted to be British.

79. I’ve seen the band Megadeth perform live twice (Larry’s a fan).

80. I think dark hallways are very scary.

81. I’ve watched the movie Outbreak in the waiting room of an ER.

82. I’m a big fan of refrigerator magnets.

83. I’ve been to Chicago, Phoenix and Las Vegas but never left the airports.

84. I was once in a talent show singing Pablo the Reindeer from Mexico with
my friends.

85. I learned that you can’t beat Death after I watched The Seventh Seal
as a child.

86. In elementary school my friend found a coffee stirrer in the shape of a
naked woman in her dad’s usually locked liquor cabinet. We called it Ms.
Noo (code I believe for Ms. Nude) and were so afraid of getting in trouble if
found with it that we eventually broke it in two and buried the pieces in her
garden.

87. My friends and I once performed a sleep-deprivation experiment during which
we watched Twin Peaks and recorded an hourly check-in on my mini tape recorder.

88. I still get embarrassed by stupid or impolite things I did as a child.

89. When it first came out I thought the Madonna song Papa Don’t Preach
was about a girl whose father was a minister.

90. I hate talk radio because I can’t stand listening to people argue.

91. I don’t mind being wrong but I hate feeling stupid.

92. One time in junior high I called someone back to apologize after my friend
prank called him.

93. I like gay bars better than other bars.

94. I used to think Candy was a great name for a girl (it was the 80s and I
was young).

95. I can fold notes in the shape of a throwing star or a folded shirt.

96. I occasionally lie to telemarketers.

97. I was a Bluebird (the younger version of Camp Fire Girls).

98. I have no idea what my brother’s phone number is.

99. When I was little I liked to keep potato bugs (pill bugs) as pets.

100. My favorite planet is Pluto. (Shut up, Larry, it is too a planet!) ]

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